La luxure a toujours fait partie de moi, bien avant que je ne connaisse son nom. Elle m’avait revendiquée comme l’une des siennes dans les ténèbres qui allaient devenir mon sexolisme, une prison de la taille de l’univers que j’avais moi-même créée. Ma maladie a été discrètement progressive. Certains diront que je n’ai pas touché le fond puisque ma vie n’a jamais été complètement bouleversée par mes nombreuses rechutes.

A Step Toward Healing at the Bogotá Conference
On December 14–15, 2024, Bogotá, Colombia hosted SA members under the inspiring slogan: “Recovering Together, Men and Women in SA.” The event brought together 39 participants—31 men and 8 women—united in their journey of recovery.

A Fun Take on the Business of Local Meetings
If you’ve attended any business meetings at your local home group, you know they can be pretty dull and uninteresting as a few restless addicts monotonously dot all the I’s, cross all the T’s, and measure out the red tape. Sometimes, this can be downright annoying and frustrating as members debate unimportant nuances of every motion or haggle over whether a surplus of $9 should be spent on tea or cookies.

How lightheartedness and a little perspective can turn self-pity into self-awareness.
A few days ago, one of my friends came up to me with good news. “I have a boyfriend!” she said. I was so happy for her. Then it struck me—I was (and still am) the only single girl among my various groups of friends.

Hi, I’m Eugene K., a sexaholic. I’m 22 years old and came to SA in September 2024. When I saw the theme about Rule 62 (don’t take yourself too seriously), it reminded me of how I found my SA sponsor. Back when I was new, I had my eye on this one guy I thought would be a great sponsor. He’d been in the newcomers’ breakout meeting, and I thought, “This is the guy.” A few meetings later, I finally decided I should probably get a sponsor, so I started looking for him after the meeting.

Seeing My Part Without Taking Blame
Step Four was eye-opening for me. It was also hard to look at, written on paper, what I had done and who I was. I just didn’t want to be that person anymore.

Overcoming Addiction and Betrayal to Rebuild Love, Trust, and Purpose.
When I attended my first SA meeting in May 2021, I was totally immersed in lust and had already lost almost everything.

Higher Power’s guidance in both struggle and service.
Step into Action (p. 67) tells us that “There are many good ways to do a Fourth Step inventory.” It recommends listing and describing our resentments, fears, and the selfish nature of our sexual behavior, but it also mentions identifying our positive attributes and recognizing what “God would have us be.” This can also be found in our personal history of other, more positive, behaviors—especially in actions that stand in direct contrast to our defects, like opposite ends of a pendulum’s swing.

How the Steps, Higher Power, and the Fellowship helped this member find his path to recovery, one day at a time.
Tonight, a tragic plane crash dominates every news network. The world is in shock. Why? Because plane crashes are rare—they don’t happen often, so when they do, it’s overwhelming.

Finding Strength in Higher Power and Self-Discovery
My name is Aaron M., and I’m a lust addict. One of the biggest parts of self-discovery in my recovery is the vast gulf that exists between who I am when I’m practicing sobriety and who I am when I’m in active addiction. They’re almost (but not quite!) two different people, with their own personalities and motivations. My sober self goes completely out the window whenever I take that first lust drink and the “other guy” kicks in.

Making recovery artwork helps my own recovery.
This piece represents the journey of recovery as described in the Big Book. The figure in the center symbolizes a recovered individual with his own unique light and color. As each recovered member crosses through the gate of freedom, he carries his own colorful light, contributing to the collective glow of our souls.

Even when cut off from the world, you’re never cut off from recovery.
A few years ago, I wrote an article about my experience sponsoring incarcerated fellows by mail. How different it is now to be one of them! As if I needed further proof that I’m just another “bozo on the bus”!

How a sponsor changed my life
All my life I went to church, served others, and believed in a higher power. I am married with seven children. However, I lived a secret life of pornography addiction for 27 years. I had a lot of trauma I did not know how to deal with after being abused as a child several times by four different men while growing up. My pornography use eventually led to a crime that put me in prison for four years.

Enjoy this April 2025 edition of the ESSAY and take a load off of yourself. Yes, you’re still responsible for clearing away the wreckage of your past, but remind yourself that although Higher Power still lets you struggle in your character defects so you can grow and progress, you’re not responsible for removing them. That’s God’s job! Surrender it all to Him.

Dear ESSAY,

Thank you again for the contributions of this magazine to our fellowship. It is very important! So many of our members look forward to the next issue.
During the months that I spend in West Africa every year in fellowship with SA members, we download and distribute the current issue of the ESSAY. We don’t have many hard copies of the White Book since the international mail and local m

True surrender isn’t just asking for help—it’s offering ourselves to God’s plan.

In the Program, I’ve been building the muscle of asking God for help. “Help me be sober! Help me turn away from lust! Help me surrender! Help me! Help me! Help me!” As I strengthen this muscle—which sometimes requires an act of complete reliance—I’m also shifting my perspective to a gentler way.

Courage isn’t fighting lust—it’s surrendering it to God.
My name is Steve, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. By God’s grace, sponsorship, and the Program, I’ve been sober since August 20, 2013. I haven’t had sex with myself or with anyone other than my spouse for over 11 years. I’ve also experienced some progressive victory over lust.

He kept relapsing until he changed what he was looking for.

I’m a low-bottom drunk. I was in active addiction for almost forty years. I was finally dragged into the Program fourteen years ago. Now, I’ve been sober for two years and three months. You do the math.

We were in our meeting, led by a local fellow. During a moment of silence, we heard a crack. We didn’t know where the sound came from. Another crack followed, and then another.
Slowly, one fellow sank to the floor. One of the legs of his plastic chair had completely broken, and he was now on the floor.
We were all surprised, and then we burst out in laughter.
I told him, “Relax, fellow—that doesn’t count as a relapse.”

Surrendering to God led me to the miracle of true sobriety.

Hello, my name is Amr R. from Egypt. At age 10, I started touching myself but stopped because my mother told me I would go to hell for doing that. I discovered pornography at age 18 and soon became an addict, unable to stop masturbating for even one week. I came to SA at age 19, only a year ago. My first meeting was on Zoom. I joined SA because I was masturbating compulsively while watching pornography. When I first came to SA, I was able to stop acting out for 14 days because of the people here—they encouraged, affirmed, and loved me!