Sex was the dominant thing in my mind from my earliest memory. I was deeply obsessed about what was under my cousins’ dresses from the time I was in first or second grade. Lots of kids tried to play doctor, but for me it was an intense preoccupation.

Today the world is adrift on a sea of rapidly shifting mores. Every aspect of our lives and sexual thinking is affected. Thousands of voices clamor for attention, preaching new “freedoms” of every kind. Was it not but a few years ago that “shacking up”—what the courts called “cohabitation”—was thought to be abnormal? Today it is called a “meaningful relationship” or having a “significant other.”

Recently a former sponsee came to me in a personal crisis. He was in a financial jam that I saw was clearly the consequences of his disease. I “let him have it,” for his own good of course, and with the best of intentions.

For years, SA outreach depended to a large extent on occasional visits outside the US by sober members, and regular telephone outreach in response to inquiries, carried out almost entirely by Roy K. The first task of Indrei R. and Jose-Maria R., as co-chairs of the International Committee, was to work out a modus operandi between ourselves as Roy’s successors and to set up a network of international contacts around the world.

Sexaholics Anonymous observed a major milestone in the convocation of the first Oversight Assembly on Friday, January 12, 1996. In attendance, were SA members with at least three years of sobriety, elected, or drawn, from the eight geographical regions: Northwest, Southwest, North-Midwest, South-Midwest, Northeast, Mid-Atlantic, Southeast, and International.

At an international conference sometime in the early 1990s, I was standing at the entrance of the hotel restaurant and I noticed some papers lying by the cash register. I picked them up and read: “Desire for Sobriety: daily renewal with sobriety partners.” I thought, hmmm, probably this wasn’t meant to be left by the cash register. I looked around the almost empty dining room and saw Jim E. and Harry B.

I have been thinking about some of the old-timers that I have been blessed to know. When I came into the program in 1990 there were Roy K. and Jess L. and Harvey A. Being from Oklahoma and I was in meetings with her, I knew Sylvia J. There have been some other wonderful people.

As we are present in Germany since 1984 with the first SA group starting in Karlsruhe, we have already translated the majority of the English books, brochures and flyers into German and they are used as conference approved SA literature in German SA meetings.

My name is Roy and I’m a recovering sexaholic.
I’m very pleased to be here. The SA groups from the United States and Canada send their greetings and are with us here today. I have mixed feelings, very emotional feelings being here, and the feelings are all good — too good to be true.

The word from the S.A. members around the country is unity. We’re being welded together in a fellowship of recovery. Men and women are getting sober! Coming out of themselves into the light, and making contact with other members. Coming to. Becoming part of the healing process of each other’s lives. That’s good news.

This magazine cover presented Roy K. with the possibility that for his sexual acting out there might be hope in a 12 Step program:

I had three prayers before I got sober in AA in 2003. They were:
1. “God, give me what I want.”
2. “God, please make this person do what I want.”
3. “God, if you get me out of this one I promise I’ll never do it again.”

A recent issue of the AA magazine Grapevine drew my attention when I read something close to “Coincidence is God’s way of staying amazing.” After seeing that I remembered, “Half measures availed us nothing…. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.”

I am approaching a milestone in my recovery. It’s not an anniversary “birth date” so much as an oddity of my sobriety date and the Gregorian calendar. I am about to achieve 7 years, 7 months, and 7 days of sobriety, if I choose to follow God’s will again for the next few days. Oddly enough, again due to a calendar oddity, it will also be 2,777 days of continuous sobriety.

At the Madrid convention I was prompted to share one of my early surrender experiences relating to Roy K.’s 18 suggested ways of surrendering lust hits and gaining daily progressive victory over lust.

I have met newcomers at SA meetings who have bristled at the description of sexual addiction as a disease. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) does not list it. The CDC doesn’t recognize it. It’s missing from disease lists everywhere. One newcomer said to me defiantly, “It’s not a disease. You’re just a terrible person.”

Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for we sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope. Each issue of Essay under Practical Tools we’ll share some pieces of “bad news”:
• If you’ve ever been sober for 24 hours, you have all the tools you need to be sober the rest of your life – One Day At A Time.

Although I’ve been sexually sober since August 4, 2018, lust dreams have been part of my life since I discovered masturbation at age 12.

If I want a better relationship with someone or something (father, mother, wife, son, daughter, sponsor, golf clubs or friends) – in other words anyone or anything, what would I do? I would spend MORE time with them!! The key to being present to have more time with them is to “improve my conscience contact with God……” To improve my relationship with God I gotta spend time with him.

El eterno descontento con mi vida es parte de mi enfermedad. No me hallo, mi vida no me gusta. Necesito algo más. Esa enorme expectativa que tenía o que tengo (éxito mundano, reconocimiento, pompa y honor, etc.) parece ser la causa de que me sienta vacío.