Writing and journaling have helped me process the emotions of the end of my 30-year relationship with my wife. I am powerless over what happens to me and I’m powerless over the resulting emotions, but I am not powerless over how I deal with my feelings.

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” (AA 47).
Only one question? Too simple. Or so I think when I’m trying too hard to solve all my problems at once.

I know all about doing a quick “1-2-3” when I am confronted with an obvious threat to my sobriety. For example: Should I go to the party when I know “she” will be there? In those moments, I mentally go through Steps One, Two, and Three, which I summarize as: “I can’t, He can, so let Him!”

In my addiction, I harmed many people whose names I don’t even remember. As I was considering how to make amends to these people, my sponsor pointed me to a passage in the White Book: “There is always some way to make an amends, even when the injured person is dead, lost, or nameless. …

Recently, while sitting in an SA business meeting, I began feeling uncomfortable. It seemed that others were not sufficiently valuing my opinion! I began feeling hostile, but I was unwilling to admit it to myself. In that moment, a lust image I thought I had given up came to the forefront of my mind.

As a sexaholic, I have a hard time dealing with life. I look at other people who seem to have it all together and wish somehow that my insides could look the way they look on the outside. Of course, I’m just kidding myself because I know that most people do not always look on the outside as they feel on the inside.

I am a convicted felon and a registered sex offender, and I’m very grateful to have passed through my second anniversary of SA sobriety this past December. I am thankful that there is such a fellowship and that I am able to attend two meetings a week, with a group of wonderful people who I can call my friends.

About ten years ago (three years before I came to SA), I was looking for a card to give my wife on Mother’s Day—more out of obligation than anything else. I hated Mother’s Day. As I began to read the different cards, I was filled with a mixture of pain, sadness, and rage.

Six months ago, after having been sober for a little over two years, I acted out. I am writing this in the hope that it may help another sex drunk—so that you don’t have to go through what I did.

I have been sexually sober now for 28 years. When I first came into SA, the fear of relapsing (and of the subsequent pain that relapse caused) helped me to maintain my sobriety. Fear of getting another venereal disease, fear of being arrested, fear of losing my wife and family, and fear of getting further into financial difficulties all seemed paramount to me. But today I know that fear and pain are not enough to keep me sober.

I’m Alan, a grateful recovering sexaholic. I’ve been sexually sober by God’s grace since May 10, 2004. I believe that I was born with this disease. In the past I was only able to give in to it, but today, because of SA, I can choose sobriety.

Dear Fellow SA Members,
2011 was financially a very good year for SAICO operations. We finished the year with a $4,088 net gain compared to a budgeted $4,300 net loss. Total revenue exceeded budget by just under $15,000 (6.4%). Increased literature sales and ESSAY subscriptions accounted for $12,500 of the revenue excess. Convention revenues accounted for the remainder.

Dear Fellow SA Members:
We have received requests to check different websites that offer free PDF downloads of the SA White Book and sell SA literature from locations other than SAICO online and SA Publications.

This past November, many of us celebrated the blessings we enjoy as citizens of the United States. Tradition has it that the early British settlers held a Thanksgiving meal with the natives who had helped them bring forth a bountiful harvest that year.

A summer convention in Nashville? Yes! The convention hotel has great air conditioning and plenty of room for us all. Come join us in what promises to be a very spiritual weekend.

I absolutely loved the SA/S-Anon convention In Midlands. I learnt a massive amount about myself—from all the people I shared with and from all those who shared with me. I’ve never experienced so much experience, strength, and hope as I did during those two days. I was sad that it had to end!

Two years ago, I was wondering what I could do to bring my recovery to a new level. I wanted to get past the phase of just not acting out. I wanted to get closer to my Higher Power. I wanted to do service, but I didn’t know where to begin.

When I first arrived at the Newark Convention in January, I was uncomfortable. I’m used to being the planner of events, the director of the play, but here I was just another attendee. I was out of my element. In my addiction, I was boisterous, always surrounded by people (not necessarily friends).

Today, January 14, 2012, I am five years sober. It seems impossible! Before, I had a 35-year addiction, in which I was always looking for something new, exciting, and different—getting bored with what I had and always searching for something better. I went through two marriages and two divorces and ruined every relationship I ever had.

Well, it happened again. I sat waiting in the parking lot because the person who has the key did not show up. Perhaps someone has decided that, since this was a holiday, everyone would be busy with family and would not get to a meeting. I did not get that message.