What has stuck in my mind and simply won’t let go since our last phone call is the term “sexual nurturing” as something being supplied by your spouse. I’d like to share my thoughts and maybe learn some things when we talk further on the subject.

My top three surrenders today are self-neglect, care-taking of others, and spiritual misconnections.

“In a difficult struggle, people have to have victories. Even if they are not major.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
I can meet hardship and sorrow with prayer and the willingness to feel the pain while in recovery. In this way, God can emphasize the needed growth in my life today.

When I meditated on the word “guidance,” I kept seeing “dance” at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn’t flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes this and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.

From my earliest recollections at age four, I obsessed over nude women. Any woman I encountered was automatically visualized in the nude. This was true for strangers, relatives, and even the nuns who taught me in elementary school.

For well over ten years, I had tried to get an SA meeting going in a Tucson unit of the Arizona Department of Corrections. I had gone through local authorities, a prison chaplain, a contractor for a treatment program, and top administrators of the Department of Corrections in Phoenix.

I am subscribing to a second issue of ESSAY to share with our small group. Any other literature I can bring to the group would be appreciated.

We personally believe that there is nowhere else as beautiful as Spring in Tennessee. If you think that your location is prettier, please send a photo. We would love to receive a photo from Australia where it is Spring when we are freezing. We can truly appreciate Spring this year gazing out the windows of the new location for Central Office.

Dear ESSAY Reader,
Have you found something helpful in an issue of the ESSAY? Do you have something you can contribute to our quarterly? Would you urge another sexaholic or a local group to subscribe?

At the Portland International Conference I found out there was another meeting in North Idaho, about 200 miles south of here. That was really exciting. I have been feeling a need for an intergroup for quite some time.

I love that analogy! I, too, have Love-based recovery or Sobriety as opposed to the fear-based sobriety I started out with. Today, I am grateful for the fear-based beginning because without I could never have found the love-based kind. You see, I was a Love cripple. I did not know how to give or receive Love. Not from God and not from anyone.

After many years in the program, I couldn’t understand why with all my faith I still didn’t have peace. Then I realized I gave my troubles to my Higher Power by sending them up on a kite string and hanging on to the other end. In other words, I didn’t really surrender.

I want to share a brief concern shared by other SA’s I talk to. It seems that at times — maybe most of the time — the First Steps given during meetings become way too sexually graphic. This morning I spoke to an SA newcomer who is really upset and was not going to return because of the First Step given last week.

Hi. I’m Bill. I’ve been sober for seven years. I’d like to share a new tool that’s helped me in my struggle to become increasingly lust-free.

Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.

How lust has affected my life! I seem to have been in a lust trance most of my life. I was never aware of what was wrong and it kept me isolated from having a normal life and relationships.

I had early childhood experiences that would probably be considered steps in the formation of homosexuality. Despite these early experiences, I saw myself as heterosexual. When my sexaholism began to exhibit itself, it was through straight porn, phone sex, and strip clubs.

My sobriety date is 8/28/02. I don’t know what to think, what to do, or why I am even sexually sober. I do know that until I was introduced to SA I was completely hopeless every day. I would return from meetings of AA and go to adult material viewing places because it was only a coping mechanism. Acting out was killing me, but the thought of spending my life without acting out was unbearable.

Love. Paul said it was patient and kind. Kahlil Gibran said that without it life is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. The Four Aces called it a many splendid thing. But what is love when it comes to Twelve Step programs, Sexaholics Anonymous in particular? In my opinion there are two kinds of love, equal yet different, when helping people in SA. They are Tough Love and Gentle Love.

Harvey A. raised a very important issue concerning our definition of sobriety (ESSAY, 2002, Issue Three). I believe that we all owe him a debt of gratitude for initiating this discussion and I am happy for the opportunity to participate.