In December 2013, after months of planning and anticipation, eight SA members finally gathered in Istanbul, Turkey, at the intersection of Europe and Asia, in the shadow of St. Sophia Cathedral and the Blue Mosque. Four more unlikely countries coming together would have been hard to imagine—we were three from Russia, two from Iran, two from the UK, and one from the US.

I’m Dennis and I’m an alcoholic. I’m sharing with you in this issue of ESSAY because I have the extraordinary honor of serving you as a trusted servant—as a Class A (non-sexaholic) Trustee. I’ve believed for some time now that trusted servants are those who earn the trust of those they serve, rather than the other way around. With that in mind, I would like to share a bit about myself, in the hope of earning your trust.

My name is Tom M.; I’ve been sexually sober since December 2007. As I work the Steps and continue in the SA fellowship, I find that my life is so much better. An important part of my recovery has been the serenity prayer. A key concept of this prayer is that I need to “accept the things I cannot change”—and, since I can change very little around me, I need to focus on acceptance.

I’m now eight years sober, thanks to the grace of my Higher Power, the help of my sponsor, and the encouragement of program meetings. I have not seen many beatific moments in my recovery, but there has been steady, plodding growth as I work my program one day at a time.

This autumn, I’ve been raking leaves in the yard and on the driveway. As I pull the piles of leaves together and get ready to put them in the wheelbarrow, I find the same refrain running through my head: “I want to quit doing this!” In practice, I just keep raking.

Hamburg, Germany at Christmastime! I had the good fortune to visit this beautiful city in early December, as part of a trade delegation of about 35 folks—mainly elected officials, business people, and government types from our region.

When I came back to SA in 2010, I think I was spiritually dead. The White Book’s description of spiritual death described me exactly. Although religious, I was deeply depressed and isolated. I had just crashed my way out of yet another career and yet another marriage. I was ready to die. I had survived a suicide attempt.

As hard it was to admit that I am an addict, it was equally hard to admit that I am insane. However, based on Google’s second definition of insanity—“extreme foolishness or irrationality”—I clearly am. Everything about my addiction has been foolish or irrational.

The other day a friend called me with a question. He said that, at an SA meeting he attended the day before, he discovered that he had the most sobriety in the room. He asked me whether he could learn anything from a meeting where he has the most sobriety. I told him that—no matter how much sobriety I have—God is able to speak to me through other members with less sobriety.

Dear God,
A simple and profound “Thank You” for this gift of sobriety (as defined in SA 191-193)—for in the middle of a daily task, I am struck with simple and utter gratitude for not having acted out for the past nine months.

Before I came to SA, lust was destroying my sense of self. My lust was always self-directed. I could fool myself into thinking I was finding fulfillment in an image or in another person, but only God could fill that hole in my soul.

My wife and I were putting away our Christmas tree this past December. It’s an artificial tree with lights wired into it, and it looks pretty in our front window at night. But packing it up for storage is a struggle.

I’m Mark, a sexaholic, and I’ve been sexually sober since April 27, 2002. I would like to share about the disease of sexaholism in my life—but mostly I would like to share about the solution I’ve found in SA. And I would like to tell my story by walking through the Steps.

The first SA/S-Anon New Zealand Conference was held on November 9, 2013 in Auckland. Attendees came from the New Zealand cities of Christchurch, Auckland, and Napier, plus some members from “across the ditch” in Australia. A good 24 people were present with equal numbers of SA and S-Anon members.

I just returned from the Russian-speaking Convention held in Moscow on November 22-24. What a great experience!

EMER held its first Regional Convention in Warsaw, Poland last October 25-27, with great results! We had approximately 152 participants, including 125 SA members (116 men and nine women) and 27 members of S-Anon. Of these, 117 participants were from Poland and 35 from other places in the world.

When I used to nourish lust thoughts, there was something going on inside me we might call spiritual fornication. Within my spirit I was shutting God out in rebellion, perverting the reality of the lust object to suit my sick need (splitting myself to create and then imagine that inner partner), and then having sex with her, which was really having sex with myself.

“Arrest and surrender in order to be set free—what a paradox!” (SA 83) Thus began my story of recovery on April 7, 1989, when my secret life lived in bondage to lust was shattered by an actual arrest, the resulting publicity, and the necessity of facing the literal question of whether to live or die.

I recently attended the 2013 international convention in Baltimore, and before the experience fades, I would like to take the action of expressing my gratitude in words to God and the fellowship.

In May 2002, I was separated from my wife of 17 years because of my addiction to pornography. We had two children: a 13-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. A professional counselor told them about my addiction.