I first entered these rooms in 2001, after confessing to my wife that I had had a number of encounters with prostitutes during our eight years of marriage. I thought that if I could stop my abhorrent sexual behaviors of cruising and employing prostitutes, I would save my marriage, write a book, and embark on a speaking ministry across the country to help men and women trapped by sexual addiction.

I like to look up definitions of key words found in the Twelve Steps, using a 1934 Webster’s Dictionary, which was current when the Big Book was published, and then create drawings for them. Step Eleven has lots and lots of words! I could see a lot of important words in there, but for me the two most important words were “conscious contact.”

I have often heard talk about the need to “hit bottom” in order to get sober. But what is this “bottom”? I’ve heard members share that they hit bottom after being arrested or losing a job, or after a spouse threatened divorce or actually filed for divorce. Yet these members continued to act out.

Lately, I have not performed well at my job. I’m worried that I’ll be laid off. I’ve feared a layoff before, but this could be it.

A few years ago I decided that I would not call myself sober if I engaged in “lust-driven use of the Internet.” My particular disease has not (so far) included prostitutes, affairs, or even masturbation, but I recognized that, at least for me, the act of clicking that suspect link is a “drink” that triggers my own disease and insanity.

Recently, I was blessed to participate in another member’s Step One inventory. After the member shared his inventory, someone asked him, “What could be the consequences if you continue down this road of addiction?”

My first experience with pornography was at age six, when a teenage boy in the neighborhood showed it to me. This became a secret we shared. He used the bond of secrecy to lead me to an isolated location so he could molest me. Early on, I became a sexaholic.

I was born with a fatal kidney disease. It wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 years old. Once it was diagnosed, my doctors could keep an eye on it and help me learn how to live with it.

Recently I had an exciting opportunity in my recovery—something I had never done before. I was invited to tell my story to a group of Russian SAs. Did I travel to Russia? Not exactly. Am I proficient in the Russian language? No way. Was this all a dream? Sort of. Let me explain.

I was born in 1947, the middle of five children in a Catholic family. My oldest brother died of a mental illness when he was 30. I don’t remember much of my childhood, except that I seemed to be in a constant state of fear.

In August 2010, a prison psychologist in Mercer, PA contacted SAICO to inquire about SA’s support for prisoners, and I responded to the inquiry. The psychologist informed me that the prison administration for the State of Pennsylvania has mandated that all 27 prisons implement Twelve Step recovery programs for sexual addiction.

Dear Fellow SA Members:
Gratitude is more than a word. It is an action. Gratitude is the heart’s memory. May we find thankfulness in our hearts that we have found SA. Thankfulness not only for the fellowship, the Steps, the Traditions, and a personal relationship with God—but also for the friends we’ve found, who we cherish as brothers and sisters.

“Baby, it’s cold outside,” are words from a classic wintertime song. For those of us who live in Southern California, “cold” means that the temperatures have dropped below 70 degrees. 70 degrees will be the average daytime temperature for the January 2011 SA/S-Anon International Convention.

The Big Book says that “resentment is the number one offender” of alcoholics (AA 64). I can’t help but think that ego is also the number one killer of sexaholics.

I resisted coming to SA at first, thinking that the sobriety definition was extreme and insisting that I was not a sexaholic—just overly romantic. But I had been in other recovery programs long enough to hear things like, “If my way is not working, maybe I should try what is working for someone like me.”

While on vacation, I went for a walk through a nature preserve. To my surprise, I saw a patch of wild raspberries. I couldn’t resist picking a handful. They were delicious. I walked in that nature preserve nearly every day for a week. I kept finding more delicious raspberries.

I’ve heard many times in various recovery programs that “Coincidences are miracles where God chooses to be anonymous.” In my personal experience, that statement has proven to be true.

The Third Tradition is a bringer of many gifts. It makes me a member of the Fellowship. It identifies “lust” as my problem. It is the spiritual link that joins me to other recovering sexaholics and ensures that the meeting will be a safe haven where I can bring lust to the light.

When I started working the SA program, I really didn’t know anything about the Twelve Steps. I was relieved to find that Step One appeared to be so self-explanatory. It asked me to admit that I was powerless, and that was easy. I had already lost my marriage, my business, my house, and the care of my children.

On Halloween Day 2010, I stood at my father’s bed and held his hand and forehead as he passed on at age 90. It was time. His life had not been what he had wanted for the past three years—since a large heart attack—and his health had become gradually and steadily worse. So this was peaceful and a time of appropriate ending.