We celebrated our first birthday in the Tokyo Group in August. We average four or five members every week—three come by train, the farthest traveling two hours. A few Japanese who speak English well have joined the group and eventually we hope to begin a Japanese SA group.

The quality of sharing in meetings has been on my mind, off and on, for several months. I’ve been finding it increasingly frustrating when the sharing veers off from the topic introduced by the lead speaker.

As I read through the history of SA and of AA, one thing becomes very obvious. We are not helpless when problems arise at the meetings. We are not helpless precisely because we have the strength of the Higher Power to lead us, if we but seek His way and His will, and if we have the fellowship of one or two like-minded members.

As a recovering sexaholic, I am constantly amazed at how my perception of the world continues to clear up as I accrue more recovery and sobriety. Just the fact that I have been able to draw a distinction between recovery and sobriety is a testament to the fact that my “fog” has begun to lift. This simple separation has been key for me, for as we have all seen, and maybe even experienced, mere sobriety is just not enough if we are to truly be “happy, joyous and free.”

What led to the new solution-oriented program: “We got tired of the tidal wave of slipping.”

Agenda: January 1994 conference in Rochester; service committee reports; other business.

The meeting on chronic slipping was completely without resentment! (at least, no resentment about the theme…). Some people identified as chronic slippers. Some asked for a sponsor.

In the past we have sent the Essay newsletter to a large number of people, both members and inquirers, free of charge. We can no longer continue to do this and remain self-supporting as required by SA’s Seventh Tradition. It has therefore been decided that starting with the December 1993 issue, we will send the Essay to subscribers only, at a cost of $7.00 for a one-year (four issues) subscription.

[The following is a transcript of a talk by Jesse L. at the Nashville International SA Conference, July 1993]
Thank you very much. It is beautiful to be with you. And thanks to Martha and Joan and all you people in Nashville for creating this beautiful environment for us. And thank you Harvey for helping bring me here and giving me this chance to say over a concerted period of time something that is so important to me. I have looked for this opportunity for some time and now it is here.

Without daily surrender of my powerlessness over lust, there is no possible way I would have over two and three-quarter years of sexual sobriety. Without daily surrender of my powerlessness over resentment, rage and hatred, there is no possible way I would have recently celebrated two years of what I call “verbal abuse sobriety.”

I have been a member of SA for over eight years now, but will be celebrating my first anniversary of sobriety in about three weeks. During my first seven years in the program, I didn’t want the painful consequences of my lust, but I didn’t want to stop altogether either. It has taken me seven years in the fellowship to finally reach my “bottom” and to “go to any lengths” to achieve and maintain sexual sobriety.

At a recent meeting in White Plains we had a special meeting on sponsorship. We changed the format and made it an “open” meeting with feedback allowed. We broke the meeting up into fifteen-minute segments.

The following is from Sharing Recovery, a newsletter published by the Connecticut-Westchester Intergroup, June-August 1993:

There are two ways for a group to arrive at a group conscience. One is the competitive way, the other is the cooperative way. In the competitive, you push your ideas across, take a vote, and the majority carry the decision. This leaves behind a disgruntled minority that feel that its truths are lost sight of in the decision.

Ego has been said to mean Edging God Out. How desperately I want to sign this piece so that I’ll be admired and praised — so that I’ll feel less small and gray. But this means I am mistakenly allowing, indeed inviting, others to validate me — thinking that they can fill me up and make me whole.

When I first got sober in AA, service was not an option; it came with the package. When we work through the Steps, we eventually get to Step Twelve, which states that “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry the message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When I came to SA I was told that AA’s Twelve Steps were SA’s Twelve Steps.

The following is taken from the new member orientation format of the Tucson, Arizona SA group:

This is the first meeting of SA in a long time that I’ve been to that no one but myself has attended. It’s OK with me because I need to sit quietly and try to set a course for the day. I’ve been sober two years and two months now. I’ve been forced to attempt the Fourth Step again because I do not know how to live.

Personally I feel that as a sexaholic, any sobriety other than SA’s would give me easy ways out. I just lost a friend because I did not want to have sex with him. Although I miss him, I have absolutely no regrets about having made no compromise with my sobriety. I feel clean.

Only when I own up to my addiction by sharing and getting it outside of myself do I have a real chance of living a sober life. At a recent movie I was not bothered by nakedness in a scene. If I had known there would be nakedness, however, I would not have gone. I rationalized my being there by my ignorance of the fact that there would be nakedness. One cannot control everything that happens around one.