By the time I was five I already had a developed capacity for sexual fantasy. I imagined having sex with the biology skeleton in the kindergarten classroom.

When I first started attending SA, it was a breath of fresh air. After coming to meetings and listening others share, I was able to admit my weaknesses and faults. Before I could not admit I was a “sex, pornography and lust addict.” When I finally did, a great feeling of relief came over me.

I like that SA is a mixed group. However, sometimes as a woman I feel there are double standards in SA around how to dress in meetings, especially as the weather gets warmer.

Hey, this is ___. I am calling because I am disturbed right now. I just left a message with my sponsor and he did not answer. I am calling until I get somebody live. No matter what, I need to talk about it. I am on campus while my girlfriend is in class. There was an angry street preacher here today and, of course, there were crowds yelling back and forth with him. I wanted to watch, but really I was just using this situation to lust.

One of the ways I continued in my addiction and acting out was by going to Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. (No, that is not a typo!) That was because going to meetings was all I wanted to have to do to stop acting out. I wanted an “easier, softer way.” I wanted to design my own program, and that meant just going to meetings. But, going to meetings didn’t keep me sober.

The contract starts by saying “God, I’m checking in.” Then I say the Serenity Prayer and the first three Steps. Next, comes the Third Step prayer. I repeat a line from that prayer until I really mean it — “Relieve me from the bondage of self” still loosens my chest every morning.

After I had about a year of sobriety, a friend of mine in the program asked me for a favor: Would I go with him to the local internet customer service center to be sure he would follow through with his decision to have his internet service disconnected?

My name is Brad and I am a sexaholic. When I say “I am a sexaholic,” I am admitting that I belong to a class of people for whom lust has become an addiction. I have finally accepted the truth that whenever my behavior is driven by an attitude of lust, there will almost certainly be consequences, pain, and humiliation. There is no exception to this reality.

A member Ian L. of SA in Galway, Ireland, went missing on the 9th of March 2016. He left a note. It was feared that he had drowned himself in the sea. After eleven days his body was recovered at Aughinish, on Galway Bay. The news shocked members in the Galway Group, in Europe, in the UK and the USA.

We mourn the passing of Mike P., who left a legacy of service on the SA Correctional Facilities Committee. Mike joined the SACFC in the early years, when it was a challenge to recruit workers. At that time, he was recently out of prison himself, and for the remainder of his life he corresponded with many prisoners.

One of the co-founders of SA in my city Melbourne, Australia, died in May, 2015. John, along with myself and another member started SA here in December 1992. Our first meeting was us three with a White Book in a public park.

The preliminary financial results of fiscal 2015 were all good news. The budget began with a possible shortfall of $26,000. With good year-end results, this became a $17,000 surplus instead, in spite of many computer repairs and necessary updates to SAICO office equipment. This surplus goes directly into the Prudent Reserve for future projects.

What solutions to despair have worked for you?

Your three new Editors are so pleased to follow the wonderful nine-year editorship of Barbara F. and her Essay team. We hope to continue the fine editorial and aesthetic standards she established for Essay.

When we heard that the January 2017 International SA/S-Anon Convention is to be held in Jerusalem, our first thought was, “Wow! That’s big news for both fellowships: the first ever SA/S-Anon International Convention outside of North America…”

The 5th convention of Sexaholics Anonymous was held in Moscow with the theme “The 4th Dimension of Existence.” Participants were from Ukraine, Belorussia, UK, Germany, USA, Iran and Russia. There were about 70 registered participants: 50 men and 20 women.

I’m Bill, a sexaholic from the USA. Last August I arrived in Warsaw for a weekend retreat. We had nearly 50 SA members from Poland, Slovakia, Finland, Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Spain for a discussion of several principles of recovery from sexaholism.

The recent 2016 SA International Convention in San Diego, California was my first experience of such a gathering. My first years of SA consisted mostly of phone meetings, working with a phone sponsor and attending lots of other recovery group meetings face to face.

Recently I had the great good fortune to speak at a joint women’s shelter / District Attorney’s program for men arrested in prostitution stings. They don’t want to be there.

It was July 31, 2015, and I was in the shower. Without warning, in the space of about a minute and a half, three different lust images came through my thoughts. Soon after I let the first one go—20 or 30 seconds later—here came another! Soon after I let that one go, there was a third!