The story above says the Fourth Dimension unites improbable recovering sexaholics. Is that your experience, too?

I would be disappointed to stop using the original SA logo [Essay, February 2018] with its rich history and symbolism.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on Anonymity. The next issue in August will focus on the Twelve Traditions using the theme Relating with Others. Send in any stories or short articles on a Tradition that affects you. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org!

Some SA Acronyms:
ODAAT – One Day At A Time

We know you know these Slogans: “One Day At a Time” “First Things First” “Easy Does It” “Keep It Simple”

I’m River W., a sober SA woman from Kansas City, Missouri. My sobriety date is August 26, 2015.

In the early recovery stages, the pain of my addiction was excruciating. Today I want to pay it forward, as others did for me. I discovered 12 essential keys that have contributed to my personal recovery.

At a convention recently, the speaker had a powerful message about comfort and change. Change often feels unnatural. We always revert to what feels comfortable.

Thirty years ago in SA I had an awful experience working on my Fourth Step. I focused solely on my defects of character and acting out behaviors. As I wrote I reacted in shame and acted out sexually. I couldn’t connect with any hope that I could get well or notice the hand of God working in my life. I was worse off after completing my Fourth Step than I was before I started it!

As a young man, he experienced the bondage of lust. Even becoming a priest didn’t solve the problem. But he came to SA, and found a new freedom when he got sober at the age of seventy.

I just finished a two-hour working session with a sponsee at a coffee shop. We were upstairs, mainly deserted, only one couple at the far end, who looked like they were down on their luck. I used the restroom and headed out when I noticed the gentleman that was upstairs coming down the stairs. I realized I had left my brand new cell phone on the sofa that he had just passed. I went and checked and it was gone.

Transcribed Talk from the SA/S-Anon International Convention — San Antonio, TX 1/12 – 14/18
Okay everyone. Wow! I’m Harvey A., sexaholic from Nashville, TN. I’ve been sexually sober thirty-three years and ten months. But there is someone in this room who has more sobriety and who is a pioneer of pioneers. To be a woman, and the oldest in sobriety basically, and to break these frontiers, Sylvia, would you stand? [Applause]

Are you willing to do what it takes?

I find the first two words of the Serenity Prayer crucial for me to focus on and never forget: “God grant.” It is another example of how God does for me what I cannot do for myself. I am powerless; He has all power. It’s also one of the early steps in learning some much needed humility, recognizing that this isn’t all about me, nor is my progress of my own doing.

When I was acting out, I could hide behind the wall of Internet anonymity. That anonymity gave me license to go where ever my addiction wanted. That anonymity allowed me to act out without being exposed, attracting real partners, or engaging prostitutes with the illusions that this method was somehow okay.

I came in fearful and trembling as a newcomer to SA. My first meeting didn’t really happen. I arrived fifteen minutes early and the door was still locked. So I sat in my car to wait and watched as one, two, three, four, five men arrived, one at a time. No women. I was too frightened to go in.

In our suggested meeting format, just before the end we read: “Our public relations policy is based on attraction, not promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film.” Sometimes I add: “Please talk to me before you choose to break your anonymity. I made a real mess doing that.”

When I came into the program, my life was in shambles heading downhill. I was late to my first meeting. I couldn’t find the room. At the church office I asked the ladies behind the counter where was “the men’s 12-step recovery meeting?” One hollered toward the back room, “Joyce, what 12-step meetings do we have running today at noon?”

The concept of anonymity as applied to Twelve Step Programs appears in Traditions Eleven and Twelve, which give guidelines for members of the fellowship.

My recovery requires me to form new habits. It takes time to develop a new habit. The accountability of a daily check-in was absolutely necessary for me to get the momentum required to make something routine. But, even this was not enough to motivate me to be consistent. I shared my struggle with another member and we had a new idea.