This sponsor/friend thing has been emotional for both of us. I have so much life stuff going on that I haven’t been dealing with my feelings around our relationship. Part of me doesn’t know how. I’ve never been in this situation before. To be a sponsor is one thing, it’s more cut and dried. A friend is another thing completely; it takes the “conditions” out.

In Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. and Dr. Bob speak of their need to seek out other alcoholics or they could not stay sober. This need was not based on a desire to fix other drunks, but rather to share with others their truths regarding alcohol in their lives, and their need for a relationship with God, the One who could help them live without alcohol.

After years in a dark place, God has given me the gift of recovery. One of the fruits has been the blossoming of my relationship with my son. It has been my privilege to be with him in his recovery.

I have been an SA member for 14 years. I came to my local area SA in its infancy. I have served in Intergroup, and, with the help of some dedicated members, helped to start three groups in my area.

I came into SA hoping it would save my marriage. I thought it was going well, but my wife said she needed some space, that my just being in the house was a constant reminder, and that our children didn’t see that I was having any consequences for my misbehavior.

I grew up as an only child in what I believed to be a normal family. To this day I question what “normal” is. Not many kids lived on my street; it was mostly older people—until my friend “Ron” moved in.

Lord God, I pray for all the fellows in SA;
For everyone who gathers and begins with a prayer for serenity,

I have always been active in my chosen religion since my baptism at the age of 18, even though I was an active sexaholic of varying degrees before and throughout my 35-plus years of church membership. For a while I even served as a bishop, an unpaid clergyman equivalent to a pastor in other churches. All that changed a little over 27 months ago, when I was excommunicated from the church as a result of my addiction.

I have heard of problems at mixed meetings, and I have had a few of my own making. But the problems have been valuable lessons in my recovery, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences because of the wisdom I’ve gained from them.

A member asked, “Do you feel connected to people?” She was feeling uncomfortable in mixed meetings, after one year of sobriety.

My dear friend,
I’ve been masturbating since the 6th grade and found SA in 2003 or 2004; I don’t remember exactly when. I went to some meetings and then stopped for several months. I came back in 2005 for good.

In the 2005 movie Crash about race relations in Los Angeles, a cop sexually assaults a woman, while her husband stands by, completely powerless to save her. Husband and wife both fear for their lives. The experience devastates her, and threatens to destroy their marriage. Weeks later the same woman is in a car crash, trapped in a flaming wreck in the middle of a highway. The officer who shows up to rescue her? The same cop who attacked her.

In recent meetings by the Board of Trustees and the General Delegate Assembly, the Budget for this year was passed. A copy of the budget for 2007 is included with this issue in the Financial information insert.

“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen . . .”
This sexaholic is quite grateful for being shown the road to recovery in SA. The examples and sharing of others have shown me that I didn’t have to remain the person I was: I could be rebuilt. That is why I have printed on my checks: “Please be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet.” I am not too old to change my attitude. Let me give you an example.

This phrase defines my life prior to sobriety and in fact describes it since then as well: my life is unmanageable. Prior to sobriety, I had experienced many, many attempts at controlling my lust myself. These took the forms of confession of my sin, crying out to God to help me keep from acting out, strong resolve to “do better,” and a myriad of other “tricks” that I really thought would work.

For me, “lust” is the key. Lust for sex, for food, for “things,” for knowledge, for admiring glances, for honors—anything that would make me feel better about myself. While each of these “lust” objects often brought temporary pleasure, none of them would or could provide long-term satisfaction.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear…”
Over the past six years, my membership in SA has led me to learn many things about life, how to relate to people, how to love, how to share and care.

I have a problem regarding what is my job and what is someone else’s in a relationship. I am a champion fixer. Recently I realized there are situations I cannot fix: the sponsee who is facing jail time. I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and can’t cure it.

SA’s sobriety definition says “for the single sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind.” It does not say that we endure the endless torture of chastity.

After my disclosure in 1988, my wife told me to get help or get out. I met with my pastor, went on a retreat, and started seeing a counselor who sent me to SA. I joined. Then my wife told our children that she was asking me to move out.