In October 2003, three of us sat down to have the first-ever meeting of the Norcross group of SA in northeast Atlanta. At that time there were not many groups meeting in the Atlanta area. We decided that the group would be open to all members of SA, and that the newcomer would be the most important person at any meeting.

Like most children, I was fascinated by my shadow. I loved to see how it was connected to my feet, how it moved with my motions, how it came and went with the sunshine. After a time, however, my shadow became just another part of me, moving through the day. I lost my awareness of its place in my life.

It was a significant revelation when I finally realized that I, as well as other sexaholics, am prone to insane thinking. My sponsor was particularly good at pointing this out—I would begin a sentence with “I think…,” and he would say, “That’s your problem—you’re thinking.”

When I worked Step Eleven for the first time, this new way of praying was shocking. How could I pray without making requests for myself or others? But the Twelve and Twelve is very clear on this—we do not ask for specific things. Period.

For all of the time that I’ve been in recovery I’ve been struggling with the God part, the spiritual part. In my “logical” mind I unquestioningly figured that I had to understand and explain God before l could accept God and live by spiritual principles.

One Year. Through no particular fault of my own, I recently celebrated one year of SA sobriety—one year of celibacy.

When I hit bottom somewhere around end of 1985, my marriage was over and my family was shattered. I was shamed, angry, resentful, and filled with desire for justice and revenge against all the others I was blaming for my situation. I was also aware that no solution was available to me.

At SAICO, we often ask, “How are things? How is the meeting? What is your group doing?” At times, the news is good. What a great day when we hear of a new group starting or another meeting forming! Sometimes the news is not so good. We don’t like to report about meetings closing, but it is a fact of life. Some meetings struggle and do not make it. Good news is to hear that the members make it, even if the meetings fail.

ESSAY does a wonderful job in providing so much information in such a small packet.

The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:

O God, I ask Your help Divine
Whenever I must go online.
I tell myself that I love art,
Their sculpted forms; my heavy heart.

7 ½ Step Prayer
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have some of me, as I see fit.

Being rigorously honest has meant that I am truthful to myself about what I am thinking and feeling. I have a large capacity for self-deception. For instance, I was a very angry person but did not realize it. I had fears that controlled many of my actions. But if anyone had asked me if I was fearful, I would have said “no,” believing that to be an honest answer.

In early recovery, sexual dreams were a new and scary experience. Prior to sobriety, I had only experienced one “wet dream.” It occurred early in what turned out to be eleven and half years of celibacy. The only SA program literature available at the time seemed to indicate that these dreams were a loss of sobriety, so I re-set my sobriety date each time one occurred.

When it comes to recovery, I have a learning disability. If I don’t hear program truths coming out of my own mouth and the mouths of others, I tend to forget what I’ve already learned.

My thinking is often confused when I get a lust hit. My fantasy goes on overdrive and I imagine several scenarios that seem very real and possible. Much of this is triggered and supported by emotions that make the fantasies appear reasonable: “Of course she wants me to stop my car, go over and hug her!”

Lack of power, that has been my dilemma. Not only am I powerless over lust, I am powerless over everything else.

Although I have discovered a number of people I had harmed who did not appear in my Fourth Step, the list of people against whom I held resentments was an excellent place to begin. I had to remember that in the Eighth Step I was merely making the list.

I admit that, through lust, I have warped my mind into such an obsession for destructive acting-out that only an act of Providence can remove it. Lust bleeds me of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. I am bankrupt. My personal weakness is the firm bedrock upon which a happy and purposeful life can be built.

An open letter to my Oklahoma City SA and S-Anon friends!
You provided a first class convention, hotel, meeting location, and down-home hospitality for the July 2004 convention.