The pandemic has fundamentally changed the way members connect with each other. Where once a long-established home group might receive an occasional visit from an out-of-town member, nowadays members routinely pick and choose meetings from across the globe, “Zooming” or dialing in at the touch of a button. While this technology is a blessing, there are concerns that it might undermine the familiar structure of the SA fellowship; concerns too that this technology can be open to misuse.

It all started over nine years ago but that story is for another day. Fast forward to about one year ago. Let’s say from the start that this whole story was inspired by an Amazing Loving Higher power. Three members of the Australian Newcastle Monday night Beginners Group formed a SA Prison Committee.

The very first 100% online SA/S-Anon International Convention took place from Jan 22 till 24 and was an incredible event gathering fellows from all over the world. There were 955 SA registrants, and 685 S-Anons and 12 S-Ateens, which makes it the biggest IC in our SA history!

None of us can carry the pain of finality of letting go alone. That’s why we are here. Lean on us. The best advice a guy gave me in a meeting one day was, “Be a burden.”

Once a beachhead is established, defeat of the enemy is inevitable. Even if the first sallies out of the beachhead meet with stiff resistance and are driven back, it doesn’t matter; once a beachhead is established, enemy collapse is assured.

Recently, I have been attending meetings where the readings were taken from our Recovery Continues book. In one meeting, we read: “Lust is a function of my ego, just as resentment is. I, the lord of my life—lord over that lust object and over that resentment object—unleash a spiritual force against them both, against their wills, perverting the reality of their person to suit my twisted need. What is that negative connection? Why must I keep on making it? So I won’t have to look at myself.” (RC 43)

I have been struggling with my 9th Step for almost a year now due to Covid and all that not being able to travel freely. But in the past two months at the encouragement of my sponsor I have discovered writing letters like this and have found much freedom in them:

Thank you for your time, Art. Could we start by asking how old you were when you joined SA and the length of your sobriety?
I was 44. I’m 80 now, with 35 years of sobriety. When asked how does one stay sober for 35 years, I say: “One day at a time, keep surrendering lust, and one day at a time, don’t die!” I’ve been blessed with the gift of sobriety and with longevity.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home with all types of abuse. My father was a workaholic and my mother was codependent. At the age of 4 or 5 I was subjected to sexual abuse by a female member of my household. The abuse continued for some years and totally altered my life. Something inside me closed up and I knew instinctively that this had to stay a secret.

I had a pretty normal childhood and, thankfully, I experienced no sexual traumas. Looking back, I notice that I had an unusually strong interest in women, even as a child. Still, I don’t believe I experienced genuine addiction until decades later.

I was born in 1989 in Kurdistan, Iran, in a family with 3 older brothers and no sisters. The concept of women and girls was always a mystery to me. The only female that I had a real connection with was my mother. That was not my only challenge though.

I am grateful for being a sexaholic and not being alone having this disease. A priest told me about SA when I was 26, I googled and read some member story’s and thought it was not so bad in my life. “I only had a problem with porno and masturbation. I didn’t cheat on my wife, I didn’t have sex with a prostitute, I didn’t have sex outside my marriage, … After all, it was not so bad.” I thought I still could manage it on my own.

Throughout my adolescence I was progressively consumed by same-sex behaviors and fantasies. I thought that the problem was being attracted to men. Acting out for 17 years shaped my whole thinking. “I was restless, irritable and discontented.” SA told me that actually the root was lust, and this was music to my ears. I began to detach from lust one day at a time and stopped carrying around my wound as a trophy.

I had just turned 21 when I entered the SA fellowship. I immediately knew SA was the program for me but I didn’t feel comfortable in the local fellowship since everyone else was at least twice my age.

I found SA shortly after I turned 28 years old. I heard an old-timer once on a tape say that he didn’t know why anyone under 30 would come to SA—they still had decades of good lusting left!

My name is José and I am a recovering sexaholic. I am only 25 years old and I joined SA when I was 19. Many ask me how I joined the fellowship so young and if I was really sure that I was a sexaholic. And my answer is always, “The fact that masturbation and lustful thoughts made me suffer so much and I wasn’t able to get out of it, said enough about my condition.”

Hi, I am a 20-year-old sexaholic from Poland. I was told about pornography on the internet by classmates about the age of 12, but didn’t get sucked in instantly. Around 13, I discovered masturbation, and then things started to get out of control.

My first memories are of fear, resentment and separation. Lust first came on the scene when I was four, my mother moved with us to a foreign country without my father. During my first few months in this new place I was sexually abused by kids several years older than myself. I was terrified anybody would find out, I was sure it was my fault and I felt guilty for enjoying the physical aspect and attention.

My name is Mike and I’m a sexaholic, sober since June 3, 1984. I imagine coming into the program at the age of 28 or 29 today would be much different than it was when I joined in the mid-1980s. Today, depending on where a person begins their SA journey, a new member might join a group in which most of the members were substantially older than they and also be blessed with much long-term sobriety.

Young and sober? It sounds like two galaxies crashing together! I am sexually sober by the grace of God, yours and my sponsor’s help since October 7, 2015. I have heard people say “Some guys get the grace from God, others don’t.” I do not believe in this. In my opinion, everyone has the same chance for recovery—and my God is a fair God.