I want to share a brief concern shared by other SA’s I talk to. It seems that at times — maybe most of the time — the First Steps given during meetings become way too sexually graphic. This morning I spoke to an SA newcomer who is really upset and was not going to return because of the First Step given last week.

Hi. I’m Bill. I’ve been sober for seven years. I’d like to share a new tool that’s helped me in my struggle to become increasingly lust-free.

Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.

How lust has affected my life! I seem to have been in a lust trance most of my life. I was never aware of what was wrong and it kept me isolated from having a normal life and relationships.

I had early childhood experiences that would probably be considered steps in the formation of homosexuality. Despite these early experiences, I saw myself as heterosexual. When my sexaholism began to exhibit itself, it was through straight porn, phone sex, and strip clubs.

My sobriety date is 8/28/02. I don’t know what to think, what to do, or why I am even sexually sober. I do know that until I was introduced to SA I was completely hopeless every day. I would return from meetings of AA and go to adult material viewing places because it was only a coping mechanism. Acting out was killing me, but the thought of spending my life without acting out was unbearable.

Love. Paul said it was patient and kind. Kahlil Gibran said that without it life is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. The Four Aces called it a many splendid thing. But what is love when it comes to Twelve Step programs, Sexaholics Anonymous in particular? In my opinion there are two kinds of love, equal yet different, when helping people in SA. They are Tough Love and Gentle Love.

Harvey A. raised a very important issue concerning our definition of sobriety (ESSAY, 2002, Issue Three). I believe that we all owe him a debt of gratitude for initiating this discussion and I am happy for the opportunity to participate.

I am glad to be a sexaholic because the symptoms of the disease leave me desiring God. I get to be with God all day and to give God’s very presence to others.

I’ve just concluded writing out my Fourth Step moral inventory followed by a Fifth Step given to a priest. So many wrongs were uncovered that I had to write a supplementary inventory after doing the Fifth Step.

I was a lady and ladies just aren’t sex addicts. So I told myself when I thought of joining SA. No, I didn’t have that problem; it was my ex-boyfriend’s problem. The sexual behaviors that we argued about doing were not the problem. He just needed to stop taking care of his ex-wife.

Dear ESSAY,
I enjoy receiving the “meeting in print” each month. It is an important tool for me to have and to use.

My assignment was to keep Loners in touch with each other. I have been chairperson the last two years. Writing and receiving letters has been a special experience.

Dear ESSAY Reader,
Have you found something helpful in an issue of the ESSAY? Do you have something you can contribute to our quarterly? Would you urge another sexaholic to subscribe?

Dear SACFC,
Thank you very much for the Plain White Cover Book. It’s great and it truly has alternatives and a plan. SA will be part of my life as I trudge the trail to a healthy, rewarding life, and I’ll definitely handle my ups and downs a lot differently thanks to some caring friends.

Until now a past regretted
To my wounds I was connected
Sadness for my unconscious life
Hurting self and my wife

After the Serenity Prayer, one person reads the following questions and both people answer them:

Hi, I wanted to share what’s going on in North Idaho. Our meeting (we named it Monday Miracles), turned two in September, 2002. At times it has been very challenging to my sobriety to bring SA to my town. Whenever I thought I was doing it, boy did things get bad (in the realms of my mind).

All my life I felt “different” from the other boys. I was sensitive and didn’t like to play rough sports. I spent most of the time with the girls. At age 12, I became sexually active with males and females. Since the first day, I used sex as I had been using food since I was seven: to medicate the pain of my early childhood abuse. It became so painful that I needed more and more lust to cover up my feelings.

For the last two years or so, I have had trouble reading from the Twelve and Twelve which contains the first quote. I interpreted “…something wrong with us…” to mean I was this cruel and evil person who ought to be ostracized by the human race for all eternity. I thought it was unfair to say that it was wrong for me to be sore because someone else committed hurtful actions against me.