Hi. I’m Hal, sexaholic, sober since August 4, 2018. From 2008 into 2018 I was a “chronic slipper.” Thank God I didn’t quit SA before the miracle happened.

Several years ago at work, a new employee was hired into our section. “Shirley” was a drop-dead gorgeous woman. Besides being beautiful, she was intelligent, witty, and friendly. Quickly, I realized that I was getting a crush on her.

In my experience I have realized that SA is like a flowing river. When a new member joins, the river wants to sweep him into recovery. But nobody has pure reasons when one joins, as it says in the White Book. And so sometimes the newcomer resists the current.

I had always thought my Step 9 would be pretty tame. However, there were three or four moments that struck me with the urge to run away from life as I knew it and never look back. One of these was the day I made amends to my mother. My wife was out of town, and mom invited me to do a BBQ with her at a local park. I had been waiting for a few weeks for the opportunity to present itself, and there it was. I agreed.

So, here I am in anticipation after my long journey
Waiting on the hanging canopy swing in the shade of two giant elder pine trees
With my son on the side of my sister’s house in Northern Idaho
It’s a peaceful summer mid-afternoon with a few fluffy clouds in a high blue sky
As my son and I take turns napping on the swing waiting for someone to arrive home

You want 12 Steps, man, now and with no rent just say I can’t [YEAH] and give up your old tent!

As water quenches,
Lungs breathe,
Mothers nurture,
Music soothes.

Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for us sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope. Each issue of Essay under Practical Tools we’ll share some pieces of “bad news”:
• We make a decision to get angry. Then we find something to get angry about. Same with resentment!

Service is a critical part of recovery, but it is one of the most poorly understood Program concepts, in my opinion. I’ve been in the Program for 19 years, and for 17 of those years, my idea of service was flawed. I believed service was about helping addicts only. I did not see it extend outside of these boundaries.

I have been in and out of SA for 13 years and my newest sobriety date in April 7, 2019. Why? I never put recovery first, until now. In the past 13 years there have been periods of sobriety, living as a dry drunk, and acting out and ignoring the Fellowship and the Program.

An issue that was nagging at me for the past few years was the state of my White Book. Pages were falling out and it was frayed in places. This was due mostly because it comes with me everywhere. Even though I have another White Book, my frayed copy has been with me to meetings in eight different countries on three continents, and to many countries without SA meetings. It is always in my backpack.

Literature sales: As anticipated, the Fellowship is showing signs of filling its Step into Action and Real Connection book inventory. The strong initial sales could boost 2019 Net Literature sales to $75,000 compared to the $60,000 budget.

Our literature tells us the only scoffers at prayer are those who don’t do it enough. The same might be said for service.

Long-time SA members were saddened to learn of the passing on July 12, 2018, of John A., an influential member of SA in the early years of the Fellowship. John sponsored many SA members in Baltimore Maryland from the mid-1980s to the 2000s. A lawyer by profession, John stressed the importance for recovering sexaholics to live by spiritual principles.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Freedom Behind Bars.”

At first, Step Three for me (“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”) was just the surrender that I heard talked about in Sexaholics Anonymous meetings.

Bruce A., a grateful recovering sexaholic, sober since January 2019. I am thankful for the SA fellowship with our Bottom Line definition of sexual sobriety. For me, part of my daily working the Steps is reminding myself I am powerless over lust in all its forms. I admit that any lust drink can plunge me into the pit of my life being unmanageable.

Service is a critical part of any recovery program and is one of the most poorly understood parts of Sexaholics Anonymous. For seventeen years my idea of service was flawed and hindered my ability to stay sober. I thought that service was about being of service only to addicts. I am writing in order to help those who may have a similar understanding of service.

Since childhood, I’ve had a recurring, upsetting dream where I found myself standing before my father in fear of punishment. Feeling guilty for engaging in inappropriate behavior with other kids my age, I would just freeze and stare at my dad, unable to look into his eyes, while trying not to show fear or to cry.

The Central California subregion held a Step workshop in Sacramento, conducted by a sponsor & sponsee on a Step. After being assigned to share on Step 2, I found out that neither my own sponsor nor any of my sponsees were available to attend. I contacted a member I’ve been sponsoring in prison, asking him if he would prayerfully consider partnering with me as a “speaker.”