Can I focus on what I will do to deal with my problems without first admitting I have problems? What does “rigorous honesty” mean, if not to open up to others about my defects? How did I first identify with others in SA and feel that I belonged, other than to hear about the mess others had put themselves through? Why do we read in meetings first about “The Problem” before sharing “The Solution”?

When we come to SA the most important question we can ask ourselves is “What is the point of sobriety?” Maybe we want to strive to “get something back” or to “get something” in the first place — a husband, a wife, a job. Maybe we work to be just “good enough,” mostly sober. Or maybe we just keep coming back to get support for our illness like Roy talks about in Recovery Continues (p67).

When you asked me about how to respond to temptations, I thought I could share a few suggestions and insights with you.

One day a sexaholic out walking alone fell into a pit. The pit was deep. As much as he tried, the sexaholic couldn’t get out. He tried to jump up and to climb up, but this proved useless. He was stuck in the pit with no apparent way out.

For years I had not set up a voicemail on my phone. It just did not seem worth the time or energy. Out of a sense of ignorance, I was not thinking of anyone else’s convenience. I suppose I figured I wasn’t worth leaving a voicemail for anyway. However, at the urging of my sponsor I went ahead and activated my voicemail.

Whenever I get into negative or obsessive thinking, I try to remember the great promise of recovery from sex and lust addiction as I first experienced it. We all remember where we were and what we were doing when first we learned of something that would forever change our lives, especially something that promised us freedom from a hopeless state of mind and body.

Recently I faced the most severe challenge I’ve had in 18 months of sobriety. An explicit image and message appeared on my phone out of the blue one day when I was in a meeting at work. Like a deer in headlights, I was struggling to know what to do next. I thought it might be someone I had acted out with in the past.

I was born in a religious family who always believed in Allah and His power. Actually I was believing that He can do anything except this one thing, so I had problems. I couldn’t pray and ask Him about this addiction. I was so resentful how my life was totally destroyed. I can’t describe the remorse and self-pity I felt every time I relapsed.

I recently returned home from two months of traveling and living my life in another country. One of the hardest parts of those two months of travel was the disruption to my “standard practice” of my Sexaholics Anonymous program of recovery. I know that disruptions will happen. That’s life.

When I was asked if I wanted to share anything with the GDA, I thought about it and welcomed the opportunity. First, I love this very special fellowship of the Spirit, which on the personal relationship level can go deep as we “bear one another’s burdens” and so fulfill the law of love. Thank you!

Eight years ago, I decided to take a month’s leave of absence from work to travel to Florida and enjoy the beautiful March weather of the sunshine state, as well as to practice my favorite sport: golf. One important concern I had when I made that decision: how would I be able to maintain my SA routine that has enabled me to keep progressing in my recovery, which includes attending, on a regular basis, SA meetings?

The only annual novelty that happened in my family, apart from my birthday, was the arrival of the holidays. We used to go to the beach every year and the freedom the sea and the waves produced in me softened the anguish of having “special parents,” who did not love each other and who might even divorce.

On page 81 of the Sexaholics Anonymous book is a paragraph which just happens to be my favorite quote from the book.

Several years ago I was going to an SA Convention. I got a window seat, because I don’t want anybody to ask me where I am going. I don’t want to lie, and I don’t want to tell the truth. I want to look out the window and be left alone.

Awake
Awake now
This day
This moment

A favorite author of mine (not in a 12-step program) says that love is “a flow of energy willingly allowed and exchanged, without requiring payment in return.” The 12-step recovery process has been an integral part of my experience with this flow of love. As I walk the road of restoration, the channels are open for me to receive the love that my higher power has for me.

Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for us sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope:
• Worrying about the rest of my life is none of my business — if I am working Step 3.

In the Alcoholics Anonymous story Freedom From Bondage on page 552 the woman describes her desperate need to be free of resentment. Her very specific formula of praying for the person or thing she resents really works! This led me to develop the One, Two, Three Waltz. For those unfamiliar with social dancing, a waltz is three steps repeated over and over.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is quite clear that our own thinking cannot solve our addiction problem. I have learned this time and time again. My own thinking never produced the power I needed to recover from sexaholism. Often, it compounded the problem. When I stopped arguing and surrendered to the program and followed the directions outlined by my sponsor and our literature, I began recovering.

There’s an addiction that the news media has supported for years. The media is the supplier. We, the masses, are the consumers. The drug is adrenaline. The fight or flight response is measurable. You don’t need a sanitized laboratory to test the physical reactions you exhibit in response to hearing and seeing real life tragedy on television. You can feel it.