I became willing to turn my life over to the care of God. My first time was when I first entered the program. Then I finally admitted that it was not up to me to define the bottom line. To really turn over to my sponsor—regular contact, honest sharing of my lust and resentment and regular work on the Steps is my next step.

My name is Mike B. and I’m a sexaholic. I’m writing to share my joy and gratitude for what the fellowship of SA has done and is doing for me. Why am I joyful? I have a reprieve, one day at a time, from my obsession with lust. Also, I’m grateful for the open forum provided in our Essay—much like the A.A. Grapevine. I’ve learned that my way to life, sobriety and recovery is not the only way. I am learning tolerance.

I would like to share a story with the members of this program—some I know, some I will meet and some I may never meet, but I share a common bond with each one of you. We are sexaholics and we care about each other’s sobriety.

I’d like to share something that happened to me after I’d been sexually sober for about seven months. I am just starting to experience life as a recovering sexaholic. Through God’s grace, my soul has been opened to a whole new way of living. At first, it was through not acting out. Then, as I got sober and my sobriety progressed, things began to get more positive. Today less of me is in the problem and more of me is in the solution.

We have begun the New Jersey-Delaware Valley SA Intergroup. Our fifth meeting will take place on May 22, and we are working on having an 800 number for phone inquiries.

I wanted to let you know what’s been happening in London, it’s all very exciting stuff… The meetings have been going very well. We now have five solution meetings going, four of which I am very involved in. I started one on Monday night and we changed the formats at the other meetings and a new meeting was started on Sunday morning, which is really nice.

Need: Often a sponsee will have a problem that does not readily yield to the sponsor’s efforts or is outside his or her knowledge or recovery experience or ability to deal with it. In such cases, there can be great wisdom and breakthrough by bringing the issue to a small, select group of trusted members, together, under God.

Call me every day, regardless of how you feel.

Value of Abstinence to the Sexaholic
1. To discover lust and its part in the relationship and to decouple lust from sex. Going into total sexual abstinence reveals the presence and nature of lust. Before, sex and lust were so intertwined we couldn’t see anything but the sex. Taking sex out of the picture reveals what’s really there. And it is this hidden component that must be seen and progressively overcome for true recovery.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the fellowship for its deep concern during the recent earthquake. Many of our members sustained terrible damage, and the total loss of their homes and possessions. And yet, these are some of the members calling Central Office to offer assistance if needed.

Sharing was, for many of us, the first gift of the program that we really felt. The meeting provided an island of safety where we felt we could open our darkest secrets to an understanding group of friends. In time, however, we have come to learn that our sharing is an integral part of our progressive victory over lust, both as individuals and as a group.

The measure we gave was the measure we got back… This timeless little phrase has never meant more to me than it does now.

Hello. I’m Harvey A., a sexaholic. I thought of all kinds of openings, but the one I want to say is how much I love my wife. She’s been having to bathe me, she’s been having to drive me, she had to put my socks on. This is a woman who … no woman should have to go through what she went through from my disease.

[One SA group’s guidelines for staying sober today; submitted at the January 1994 Rochester conference.]

Thank you for referring the recent SA inquirer from Arkansas to me. We had an excellent newcomer’s meeting. We also discussed starting a meeting.

I am just a couple of days back from the Rochester ’94 gathering. I came home with a full set of cassette tapes, and many feelings and impressions and memories. This overwhelming sense that I came away with—and I think this is a wonderful sign—is a sense of inner peace, such as I have never before experienced. Could it be a glimpse of the “serenity” we all seek? This feeling of peace is for me a confirmation that I am on the right road now, in the right place, among the right people. Thank God!

My name is Mike and I am a sexaholic. I have been sober now in AA for 25 years and have gone to any length to maintain my sobriety, and yet at times I felt so alone and different from most people. The tears inside that would not come out. The people, places and things that were going to make me whole—they never worked. The hole I felt inside, the despair, never being myself, thinking “This time it will be different. This time it will be OK,” only to fall again, more and more isolated, feeling more resentment, and wanting inside to hurt back.

There are still only the two of us, and we are both still struggling with Step One, but we have both made progress, and are glad to be part of a fellowship that addresses this particular problem. Some contacts have been made with other “loners” in the U.S. and U.K. and we shall continue to maintain them.

I can hardly contain my enthusiasm for what is happening in SA, at least here. We had our first meeting last night under the “new format” and it was very powerful. (Not only that, it was 90 minutes instead of two hours — by group conscience) and everyone stayed afterwards for talking and fellowship.

This article was written to stimulate further discussion among sponsors and sponsees about what is working for them and how we may help another better seek humility and the more complete surrender to our Higher Power as we grow in recovery.