The reason why lust and sexual acting out are so attractive to me is because they are so very powerful at what they do in me. Initially, they were my “solutions” to other problems. Eventually I became addicted to them, and they failed to be solutions and became their own problems. But I didn’t have an alternative “solution” that would not enslave me just as lust and sexual acting out had done.

I began acting out at age 14. After 30 years, I was fed up. I acted out three times on the day my father died — this was unmanageability. Then I cried out for help. It was a deep cry from within which communicated to my Higher Power and to the universe that I honestly and desperately needed help. Grace followed and I found the SA fellowship.

The Foreword to the Second Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous says that “Of those who came to A.A. and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on showed improvement” (AA xx).

Early in Sexaholics Anonymous my sponsor said that “the most important quality for recovery is being and remaining teachable.” After thirty years his statement still lingers in my thoughts every day.

The eternal discontent with my life is part of my illness. I cannot find myself. My life I do not like. I need something more. That enormous expectations that I had or that I have (for worldly success, recognition, pomp and honor, etc.) seems to be the reason why I feel empty.

Attitude is a word I thought I understood when I first arrived at Sexaholics Anonymous, but really I did not understand it at all. A new heart was something that I thought I did not need when I arrived at SA, but I was wrong.

After five years of sobriety and co-ed religious formation, I thought I could be like normal people and have healthy friendships with the opposite sex. I had made many female friends in the previous years, women I hoped I could see as sisters and live in freedom.

I have three things to share on the topic of forgiveness.
#1: Why Forgive?
The first, and most important, concerns why I forgive people. In a nutshell: I forgive because it helps ME.

A brief SA CFC report:
I visited with the Israeli CFC committee (ICFC) and discussed utilizing SA for released prisoners. While there is some support, the rules of the Israeli prison structure condone only officially sanctioned offender programs. SA is not one of them. ICFC is determined to continue identifying potential allies who might be able to bring SA’s message to the bureaucracy.

The SA Fellowship continues to grow in multiple dimensions. While this growth may be challenging to the budgeting process, it is welcome as a result of the Fellowship’s on-going services to carry the message to those who still suffer.

Harvey and his wife had a destination planned for an SA event. God had other plans.

Dear Sir or Madam,
Many thanks for putting ESSAY on the internet for us to have free download.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Sobriety and Relationships.” Our next issue in May 2019 will focus on “Open Mindedness.” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Open Mindedness in sobriety. Future topics are August, 2019: SA At 40 Years! October, 2019: Prison Issue. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

I have gratitude for the wonderful SA International Conference just completed in Madrid, Spain and want to share a HP moment. I came home believing I could go most anywhere in the world today and find an understanding SA friend to welcome and listen to me.

I am sitting here on a Madrid to Edinburgh flight waiting to take off. Last Friday I walked to the convention center. I knew I had not registered. Having emailed two of the core committee I knew the important thing was that I got to the center. Soon after entering I offered to help the registration team with the influx of 300+ members wanting to register.

After the Madrid Convention some remaining members gathered at the Prado Museum. The Prado is such an amazing museum, so much fantastic art that it can be overwhelming.

A fellow Spanish speaker asked, “Will you come to the International Convention?” With sadness I answered, “I can’t go, I don’t have enough money to travel from Colombia, South America to Spain.” He told me, “but it is the first Convention that will be translated into Spanish and English and you are the delegate of the Latin American Region …” I prayed to my Higher Power to put myself in Its hands. My friend told me to ask for help. To my surprise the help arrived!

The excellent SA International Convention in El Escorial outside Madrid was a great success with over 300 SAs and regional S-Anons in attendance. The facility and the global audio streaming (with up to 50 SA listeners for each session) and the major talks were inspiring. Translations were provided by hard-working volunteers.

When I walked through these doors, all I knew was that I had screwed up, got caught, and wanted to get out of my predicament. My wife was ready to end 38 years of marriage and be rid of me—and my mood swings, impatience and insatiable demands for sex. I got a sponsor and began the Steps.

My wife and I were asked to give a SA/S-Anon workshop in Toronto. We planned a vacation around this trip, including driving to St. Louis from Nashville and then continue the drive to Toronto via Niagara Falls. This was a bit optimistic for a 79 year old man, but sanity has not been one of my stronger qualities!