In this edition of “Overcoming Fear, Guilt, and Shame”, we will learn members’ understanding of these terms and how they have damaged their lives. We will also hear how working the Steps in Sexaholics Anonymous and working with professionals helped them to recover from these crippling aspects of the disease.
She discovered the two things that make up her self-esteem.
I learned very early that life was all about being a good girl, pleasing, being obedient and nice. I was being raised to be a good wife in the style of those days. My parents, of course, were blameless, giving me everything they knew to shape me as they had been.
An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself.
“You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life.
His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame.
I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything.
With his sponsor’s help, he learned to deal with shame and guilt.
As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable (Twelve and Twelve 50).
She found the freedom to choose in sobriety.
Sobriety is a gift that your wise decisions give you. Sobriety is not limited to stopping sexual relations with another person or with yourself—that is only the beginning. Sobriety is having sanity in the face of life. It is exercising the self-control that already resides within you, that was given to you by your Higher Power to choose between what is good for you and what harms you.
SA helped her see more clearly how she was holding herself back from healing fully.
I haven’t taken much time as of late to consider the role that trauma plays in my consistent relapses. I was abused sexually by my father at 13, and I had sexually abusive relationships from ages 19-22. I entered SA in July of 2021 without realizing my last relationship had ended with me being sexually assaulted. The brain is a funny organ like that.
A reflection on 30 years of working the Program reveals a life worth living.
Thirty years ago today, August 8th, 1995, I walked into a church, sat down in a room full of strangers, and said: “My name is Bill and I’m…” Thirty years ago today, I started on a journey called Recovery.
Step Nine showed him how to proceed without putting himself down.
I am Tim, from Brussels. I discovered I am a sexaholic about two years ago. After a summer of destructive acting out, a painful rock bottom, and therapy, it became clear that I needed help from a 12-Step program. It was a great relief. I have been addicted to lust since my teenage years without knowing it.
Taking a look at himself and sharing what he found let the light of recovery shine on his shame.
An unknown SA member said, “If you want light, keep the curtains open. The curtains are made of selfishness.”
I was not only driven by a hundred forms of fear, as the Big Book says, but also by a thousand forms of guilt and shame.
Fusagasugá witnessed the 13th National Convention of SA Colombia. It was a meeting of souls, where hope blossomed, and unity became real.
There, I discovered that there are no broken people—only valuable human beings fighting against this painful disease. I felt the presence of our Higher Power everywhere. Every day, I fall more in love with SA.
