A member wrote, “I’m looking for a miracle. I’ve been looking for a miracle for a long time. Recently I’ve thought that if I just work the Steps, I could then have the miracle I’ve been looking for.” Wow! This statement hit me pretty hard, because it reminded me so much of my own Step Two (which took something like five years for me to fully accomplish).
This is hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it. I don’t use willpower to fight my addiction anymore. I know the addiction is more powerful than I am, and I’ve declared it to be the winner. I still have to make the decision to not engage in lust, but I no longer fight it like I used to do.
After my disclosure in 1988, my wife told me to get help or get out. I met with my pastor, went on a retreat, and started seeing a counselor who sent me to SA. I joined. Then my wife told our children that she was asking me to move out.
SA’s sobriety definition says “for the single sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind.” It does not say that we endure the endless torture of chastity.
I have a problem regarding what is my job and what is someone else’s in a relationship. I am a champion fixer. Recently I realized there are situations I cannot fix: the sponsee who is facing jail time. I didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and can’t cure it.
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear…”
Over the past six years, my membership in SA has led me to learn many things about life, how to relate to people, how to love, how to share and care.
True sobriety includes progressive victory over lust (SA 202).
For me, “lust” is the key. Lust for sex, for food, for “things,” for knowledge, for admiring glances, for honors—anything that would make me feel better about myself.
We admitted that we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable (SA 6).
This phrase defines my life prior to sobriety and in fact describes it since then as well: my life is unmanageable. Prior to sobriety, I had experienced many, many attempts at controlling my lust myself.
