IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

Recently married for the fourth time, the marriage already unstable due to my disease, I arrived at SA in early 2002. I’ve been sober since July 18, 2008. However, sober isn’t well, and my anger persisted. Finally my wife left me in 2013. At that time, I was a GDA delegate and attending International Conventions. I had an unmarried sponsee who needed dating guidance. What did I know about sober dating?

Isolation has always been a danger for me as a sexaholic. Before coming to SA, I lived my life in a bubble, withdrawn from others, cut off from any type of Higher Power, out of touch with reality, lost in my world of illusions. I was uncomfortable dealing with reality, and preferred the comfort of isolation, in which I could bask in lust and let my ego reign in all its glory.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake” (AA 417). I am reminded of this again today. I don’t go to church. I avoid religious people and situations like the plague. I believe in a Higher Power and I am still learning who He is. However, I still really struggle with my old concepts and beliefs.

This is my second trip to an out-of-town city for a two day work trip. The first trip I met with the new group I am working with. We spent two long days in tough preparation for our business that concludes today. There was a lot of hard work, and laughing, and getting to know each other.

A couple of months ago, I retired. Finally I came down to the last couple of days and it was time to say goodbyes, which would include some affectionate goodbyes. That was good and bad, because ¾ of my co-workers were women. I was looking forward to some hugs and not entirely in a healthy way.

One gift of SA has been the recovery in my marriage. I have no right to a happy and fulfilling marriage. I am certainly not worthy of this, but I have an amazing Higher Power who loves me no matter what—and for some reason, He seems to get a kick out of loving me through others, including my wife. Imagine that!

My Step Eight amends list had one individual who was going to be challenging. I was hesitant because I feared a confrontation. I knew that I was wrong and I would have to admit it to him. This had been a burden on my soul and there was no moving forward into the grace of my Higher Power’s forgiveness if I held grudges toward others.

I don’t know if my experience is like anyone else’s or not. But not only did I never “figure it out,” trying to figure it out became a roadblock to surrendering (give up, let go, and let God). This kept me from having the necessary change in attitude and taking the action Steps necessary to connect rightly with God and find sobriety and freedom from lust.

One Sunday morning driving along a beautiful lake I recognized that I was feeling serenity and gratitude. That is a renewed experience for me.

Consistent with Tradition 11, AA receives promotion and referrals from medical professionals, therapists and psychologists, clergy, corporations, and the media. Thus members need not break their anonymity to promote AA. I believe that we in SA need to be seen. Otherwise, we let professionals, clergy, and other S programs treat most of those seeking help.